Fessing Up

Half of my life is a lie. I haven't killed anyone or committed adultery or embezzled money from people or whatever. The lie I'm talking about is that I'm just not me half the time. I say things that aren't true. And I'm sick of considering other people's opinions of me before I consider my own.

Here are some recent examples of lies I have told:

1. I loved my kids from the moment they were born.
2. I couldn't imagine life without my husband.
3. I love my job because it is so challenging.
4. I love sushi.

None of those statements are true.

Why did I say them, then? What is it that makes us say things that aren't even close to being the truth? By saying these things do I think I achieve the illusion of normalcy?

Because if someone said all of those things to me, I would think to myself "wow, we have nothing in common; I don't understand you, I don't want to be your friend..." So WHY would I say them to someone else? Do I want them to think I'm someone they can't understand or be friends with? That is so stupid. It's just STUPID to lie about things like this. I know there a lots of women who didn't love their babies the moment they were painfully pulled from their wombs...so why would I pretend to feel otherwise? Maybe if I fess up to being the awful person I am; others will be able to relate to me because they'll feel free to fess up to the awful people they are.

This blog is a place for me to be brutally honest about how I really feel about my self, my kids, my husband, my job, my neighbors, and my cat (I added my cat to the list because the truth is that I totally hate my cat and am waiting for it to die and I've never been able to tell that to another living soul because it seems like the trait of a sociopath not to love a cat).

So, Okay, Self--time to fess up....